We usually start off a New Year eager to see what it brings and excited to make some in roads into areas we might have been toying with for a while. Yet, as the weeks and months slip by, we are painfully aware that the time is going fast, while we remain stagnant.

We can quickly feel as if we have been swallowed up by our daily responsibilities and sinking further down in the pool of all work and no life. Additionally, what little snippets of time or puffs of energy we have left over are pressed into duty by an odd demand here and an odd demand there. Before we know it, we have lost our way, misplaced our list of goals and even worse, our dream is missing in action.

Is this where you are now, today?

Even if you have to forego chasing your dream for a while, you don’t necessarily have to give up all together. When you are too busy and exhausted to do anything else but fall into bed and wait for sleep to come, take a minute to use the word DREAM to remind you of the goals you want to achieve and to keep you inspired and excited about them.

D - Dare to dream your dream.

With all the commitments on your plate right now, the timing might be all wrong to go after your dream. Nevertheless, don’t let anyone play down its importance to you.

Well-meaning individuals can be blind to the passion you harbour in your heart. Steeped in their own opinions, they are deaf to your explanations and plans. Sometimes it is impossible to avoid such people. So you learn quickly to devise ways to survive their efforts to change your mind and steer you in a different direction. Arguing and fighting may never change their minds or help them to understand.

So I suggest that you be gracious in the face of their advice, criticisms and even their dismissive remarks.

A quiet but resolute stance will keep the dream alive, build your confidence, strengthen your determination and empower you to take the first steps when the time is right. Refuse to let the ammunition of negativity to penetrate and destroy it. Regardless how far-fetched it may seem to others, dare to dream your dream.

R-Renounce your fears.

Fear is a killer of dreams. It conjures up negative images of you at your worst and your dreams shattered at your feet.

You can’t run from fear. It may be deep-seated and stem from a bad experience or some external conditioning and the history of your fear can seem real. But fear keeps you stuck. You cower in one corner of your life casting blame and complaining while your dream remains unfulfilled.

Stand your ground in the face of your worse fears and dismantle its hold on you.

E – Enlighten your mind.

During the years when there was neither time nor money to allocate to pursuing my dream, I saturated my mind with related information. I am not advocating that you become an information junkie like I did and still am today. Instead, I encourage you to garner the kinds of information that could give you a head start when the time comes.

Sometimes though, too much knowledge can put you at a disadvantage. Because you have learned so much more than is necessary to approach your project, you become impatient with the systems and people you have to depend on.

Still, it is far better to begin with far more knowledge than you need. After all, an enlightened mind is a prepared mind.

A - Anticipate success.

If you doubt that you will succeed, you are already defeated. Because you had to put off the grand beginning you planned doesn’t mean that you’ll never get started. Since you are never too old to pursue your dream, success is simply delayed, not impossible.

Picture yourself taking the steps you need to take, accomplishing one goal after another and finally acquiring success. Anticipating success can lift you out of the doldrums of a hard day and difficult situations and keep you hopeful about successfully achieving your dream.

M - Maintain a positive attitude.

The road to achieving your dream can be filled with stops and starts and long periods of no movement at all. When discouragements, failures, and diversions crop up as they often do, they can easily blind you to the positive aspects they bring. The willingness to look for the good encased in the bad is one ingredient that could prevent you from throwing your hands in the air and quitting before you begin.

This is not a hairy-fairy, pie-in-the-sky kind of attitude but a mindset based on prayer, dependence on God, gratitude, contentment, sacrifice, compromise and realistic expectations. In the midst of adversity keep a positive outlook on life and its experiences and a bright view of the future. Remember too, that whatever afflicts you today or blocks your path tomorrow, could be working for better in the end.

Throughout history many people who have accomplished their dreams, tell stories that are laced with the unexpected, disappointments, stumbling blocks and even failures. Yet their greatest joy is that despite it all, they were able to stay resolute, struggle through and make it to the end.

In time, you can tell a similar story. While you attend to the business of living today, keep your dream alive with one word - DREAM.

Photo credit - Ditch the Kitch!! (under CC-a-nc-nd 2.0)

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• Defining Moments
• 5 Steps to kick-start your start
• Dream everyday

In life, we encounter signposts that remind us to stop, look, listen and learn. They are there for a reason and we are remiss if we don’t take them seriously.

Signs can be annoying when we just want to get on with the business of living, working and pursuing our goals. After all, we hear that the world is our oyster and the sky is the limit. We are busy trying to manage a multitude of tasks on our way to collect our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We barely have the time or patience to help those in need. We are so consumed by the demands of our busy lives that we discard common courtesies.

Furthermore, when we fall behind on our schedule or assume additional responsibilities, we step up the pace leaving collateral damage behind. Then, when we see signposts we lament, “I don’t have time for this.” But they are not obstructions in our path but designed to keep us safe, sane and centered.

Let’s look at some of life’s common signposts and their messages.

STOP

Because we are inclined to work ourselves ragged, insisting that our lifestyle and career demands that we be constantly on the go, this signpost reminds us to pull onto the shoulder and stop. Traveling at full speed, every day, with only the necessary daily stops to eat and sleep, is no way to live a fulfilled and joyful life. If we don’t stop for regularly scheduled physical, emotional and spiritual tune ups, eventually, we lose steam. With no energy left, our motivation falters, we lose hope, sputter and stall.

Sometimes “Stop” may mean a short rest just to take a breath and then we can move on. Other times, it demands a full-blown sabbatical to engage in serious self-evaluation and physical rejuvenation.

So, when you see the sign, please, STOP.

LOOK

Our lives today are cramped with 21st century demands, activities and concerns that did not exist before. We feel compelled to get with the program, fit in and go with the flow. Plus, modern-day life stands in glaring comparison to the “good old days.” And, we talk about them with more than a hint of nostalgia. Life was so simple and we could easily count the simple joys and blessings of that bygone era.

The weight of our responsibilities drives us to rise up and rush out before dawn and return long after dusk. The truly good things in life get lost in those long, activity-filled hours. Busy making a living, we forget to make a life.

But whether we see them or not, there are blessings today too. Don’t be content to just glance at them in the review mirror, as you hurry ahead. Look for them, acknowledge them, count them and more importantly, be thankful for them.

Look for the joys and blessings that grace your life and help you to walk through each day.

LISTEN

Sounds fill our days. Our hearts speak. Do we listen to its message? It sings. Do we hear its songs? When someone we know cries, do we listen to their sobs, try to decipher the deeper story behind their pain and take time to understand and empathize?

Additionally, we are more prone to discard the wiser voices of age reason and experience for the more popular modern thinking. Even the voice in own hearts gets lost in the din of other people’s opinions and preferences. Even worse, we turn a deaf ear to God’s voice in His word, reminding us of the age-old spiritual beliefs and precepts we have cast aside in favor of new-age principles.

Every so often, this signpost crops up to prompt us to turn away our ears from the wisdom of the world that may be contrary to the wisdom of God. It reminds us to listen once more to the commands to forgive, show compassion, give generously and selflessly, to practice self-control, and love our neighbor.

Are you listening to your heart, God’s voice and the cry of people around you?

LEARN

I believe that every circumstance in our lives bears a lesson for us to learn, memorize and carry with us as we move along. I also believe that we have a mandate to use the lessons we learn to encourage others in their own struggles.

It is all too common for us to grow discontent with the present state of affairs in our home life and work environment. Plus, the news coming out of countries around the world daily fills us with anxiety and fear. Left unchecked, these feelings will take us on the ride of our life, down the road of utter despair and hopelessness.

Whether from our own experiences or those of others, we can learn lessons that will impact how we deal with present and future situations. Hope, prayer, faith and dependence on God makes all the difference in how we handle and survive difficult times.

What lessons have you learned from the past? What lessons can you learn from the challenges you are facing today?

Life features many lanes and each is flooded with people on their individual journeys and some of us are in a mad rush to get to our destinations. In our harried pursuits, we take chances and shortcuts. We ignore the signposts with messages designed to enhance and improve our lives and the journeys we undertake.

Don’t ignore these signposts in your life - Stop, Look, Listen and Learn.

Very often, when we consider a change, it is in response to something negative. A troubled or failed relationship, organizational restructuring at work, illness and death are some of the reasons that might cause us to consider making a change. Moreover, we hope that the change we envision will purge us of the effects of our bad experiences and put some distance between us and our painful past.

Whatever triggered your decision, if you really want to effect some significant change in your life, you must have a clear idea of the change you want and the path you will follow to make it happen. Or, you could well find yourself stuck in a holding pattern and spinning your wheels.

These are the three strategies I continue to use to help me avoid this common dilemma in my own life.

Determine the outcome

Do you know the old saying that asks, “If you don’t know where you are going, how will you know when you get there?”

This might seem obvious, but you will be surprised to learn how many people start the process of change without really having a clear idea of what they want to accomplish.

Wanting change in response to something negative is valid but we can be so focused on running away that we forget to look at what we say, we are running towards. The memory of difficult or painful experiences, coupled with the long-lasting consequences can consume our minds and muddle our ability to function in our day-to-day roles. Still, we must muster the courage to look away from the past and focus our attention and energies on the process that will make the dream of a particular change real.

Have you ever seen movies, where people are running from danger? They take off in a fright. They know only that they must get away, far away. Their frightened dash for safety usually takes them down a deserted part of town, a dark, lonely alley, usually with a dead end, or an abandoned house. Even the perceived threat of danger or some other distressing situation can thrust us into a disorganized flight. Like in the movies, we scamper with no clear idea of where we are going. We could end up running in circles, spinning our wheels and going nowhere.

It is only when you know definitively the change you want, will you be able to chart the course to take you there. And, you could travel the path with confidence instead of fear and doubt.

Design the structure

Desire alone will not create the change you want, but structure will keep the change process together and moving at a manageable pace.

The structure you design should consist of the resources you will need to implement your change. Make sure you avail yourself of books and courses that can equip you for the way ahead.

Include the support mechanisms to help you work through the normal hiccups that accompany any change. Compile a list of people you can turn to when you feel stuck or despondent. Factor in leisure activities to add variety and respite from the demands of daily life and the stress of trying to implement changes. Activities unrelated to your day-to-day responsibilities can offer rest for your weary mind and body. Time alone is another necessary component of your support mechanism. Schedule it as you would any other activity. Make sure you have stretches of time to reflect and recharge your emotional batteries.

Draft a schedule of accountability

Frequently, when we have no one to whom we have to give an account of our progress, we lapse. We let crucial tasks slip and fall by the wayside.

Even when the change is small, schedule periodic sessions with a mentor, fellow change-seeker, friend or family member. Your accountability team should be cognizant of your plan, the path as well as the problems you are facing. They should hold you accountable and not be afraid to demand it. They should be brutally honest and critical when necessary.

Update them on the progress you have made, the obstacles you faced and overcame and ask for advice to deal with any ongoing struggles.

Accounting sessions like these help to keep you motivated and focused. They help to cement the bond between you and those to whom you have to give an account.

Once we decide to effect some change in our lives, those critical voices in our heads begin to tell us that we are not good, smart, strong or worthy enough to accomplish our goals. They keep dredging up the issues that cast a coat of fear over us, causing us to doubt the validity of our decisions and we even toy with the idea of giving up.

Have you lost your initial desire for some change? Are you stuck there spinning your wheels? I encourage you to revisit the outcome you wanted, revise the structure to get there and renew your accountability to someone. Your wheels will find their traction again and propel you on your way to the life change you want.

Related on this blog:

• Take 5 Steps from Chaos to Stability
• Define your Shape

We can make several analogies between how we run a race on the track and how we pursue our dreams or other goals we set for ourselves. One such analogy is made up of the hindrances that a runner should avoid if he or she wants to win the race.

See which of the following hindrances might be keeping you from starting right, staying the course and crossing the finish line.

GO!

1 - The false start.

Too late – anxiety and hesitation. Some opportunities shoot up unexpectedly. And although we might have been hoping for such an opportunity to come our way, when it does, it throws us in a state of shock. We freeze and sometimes that momentary paralysis is enough to cause us to lose the chance to run the race that we dreamed of and planned for all along.

Too soon - On the outer side of the starting line, is the premature start. We are so anxious that we jump on an idea before the time is right or before adequate research or some other preliminary preparation. Not only does this throw us off our rhythm, it affects us negatively, as well as those who may be looking to us for encouragement to run their own races, chase their own dreams.

Sometimes that inner voice says, “Wait, not now.” But in our enthusiasm, we hear, “Go!” Usually, a false start results in feelings of embarrassment, jeers from our detractors, rejection, loss of support, loss of momentum, and discouragement. Of course we also have to face the consequence of starting over because we missed the opportunity to jump in and sprint forward at the right time.

2 - Pulling up short.

A cramp is one of the most common reasons why runners pull up short. It is painful and debilitating. Life, like running is peppered with cramps or unexpected situations that cripple us causing us to pull up short and abandon the race.

Some of the unexpected life-cramps that stall our progress, our speed and our success can be avoided if we prepare for the race we want to undertake. Research, strategy and training, discipline, persistence and a success mindset are some of the prerequisites that help to strengthen our muscles to ward off cramps or at least to deal with them quickly and get back on track.

3 - Looking around.

In any race, it is useful to know who and where our competitors are. However, constantly looking over our shoulders to see who is coming up the rare or nipping at our heels can cause us to lose focus, waste precious time, become fearful and ultimately, lose the race.

Don’t be fooled, you must know your competition, their motivations and their intentions. Keep up-to-date on new developments in your field of interest. But don’t allow the competition to dictate the size of your dream, your passion and your life. When you are sure that the path before you is the right path, you don’t have to fear who is coming behind or running parallel to you. Stay your course, keep your eye on the prize and run.

4 - Quitting.

Have you ever seen someone run a beautiful race and crumble just before the finish line? It is sad. Physical and even mental complications can prompt the decision to stop running, to give up.

In life, quitting is not an option. Slow down if the pace becomes too hectic or take a vacation to replenish your energy. Even a sabbatical may be necessary to upgrade your skills and reassess your goals. Take a different path. But Don’t Give Up!

5 - Casting blame after the race.

At the end of the day, it is fruitless to blame the coach, the judges, the track or your competitors. We have to shoulder the responsibility for our less-than-stellar performance if we do not secure any of the three prestigious places or even reach the finish line.

Embarrassment, disappointment and feelings of inadequacy may move us to deflect our own responsibility and lay the blame elsewhere. Parents, upbringing, the environment, lack of teachers, lack of support, no money, no time are only some of the areas that we count as being responsible for our loss.

In the grand scheme of things, when we choose to run a particular race, the buck of preparation and performance stops with us. Regardless of the input of other people and the prevailing atmosphere during training and running, the onus is on us to prepare spiritually, mentally and physically for the races we run during our lifetime.

Success in a race or life demands that we not only do what we should but that we avoid the pitfalls that can cause us to lose our place on the winners’ ramp. If you’re identified the hindrances that are keeping you from advancing to the finish life, hasten to heighten your alertness, strengthen your determination muscles, readjust your focus and don’t give up. Then, if perchance, you don’t quite make it, take responsibility for your performance and prepare to run the race again.

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If your life feels like a mess right now, stability may be just 5 steps away.

1. Know that you’re not alone.

You don’t have a monopoly on chaos no matter what form it takes. Although you might think you are, you are not alone. Once you ascend from this abyss, you are on the path to stability.

There is comfort and encouragement in God’s Word and prayer. He doesn’t give you more than you can bear. He gave you your cross and He will help you carry it. Plus, you can find ears to listen, shoulders to cry on and hands to help in your church community.

Your situation can seem small in the forest of other people’s troubles. You can find welcomed relief when you reach out to someone else who is struggling to stay afloat in their own sea of chaos.

2. Know what you’re up against.

We can work ourselves into a frenzy over a mere suspicion, perceived threat or premature anxiety. Of course there is always a chance that our perceptions may prove to be on target. But until we are sure, we could be wasting precious time stirring up a whirlwind of unnecessary worry.

You can’t fight a phantom and you are doomed to defeat, if you keep struggling with a confusing situation that you don’t understand.

Set aside any preconceived ideas. Become a keen observer of your own life and the issues or people that might be causing the chaos. Keep an open mind. Ask questions of people who can be objective, will be honest and have nothing to gain whether your are wrong or right.

3. Know your options.

What can you do about your chaos? Many times, when other people are involved in causing the upheaval and others are feeling the crunch like you are, it is difficult to come up with strategies that will resolve the matter amicably for everyone. But strategize you must. Whatever you do, try to be gentle with the persons who might be hurting and firm with those who are fighting you at every turn.

You don’t have to handle the problem by yourself either. Depending on the issue, you could call for back-up or an intervention by a professional.

Although you want to get to the end of this period in your life, work with short term goals. Even if you are not in a position to eradicate the confusion, you can still salvage some relief for yourself and those closest to you who might also be affected. Each day, or weekend, do one thing to alleviate the pressure and lift your spirits.

4. Know who your friends are.

I can’t stress enough the strength you can garner from the love and support of true friends. You don’t need a battalion of people around you spouting advice and drowning out the sound of your own thoughts.

True friends jump in the ring with you. They let you cry your “ugly cry” and shamelessly cry along with you. In their eyes you see, “I love you; I understand.” They open their hearts and give of their time and resources to help ease the strain you are going through.

5. Know when to let it go.

We are guilty of holding on so tightly to a chaotic situation that we miss indicators that it is time to let it go. After we have prayed, and analyzed and strategized, comes the time when we have to say that we have done all that we can do. We must let it go and shift our focus to rebuilding stability in our lives.

That decision doesn’t say that you are throwing in the towel and giving up in despair. Rather, it says that you know when it is time to stop fighting with the chaos in order to maintain your dignity, your sanity and reclaim some stability. Not everything has to be solved immediately and to your desired satisfaction. Very often you have to acknowledge a messy situation and let it go while you concentrate on keeping your life stable enough for you to function in your respective roles.

You life may seem to be made up of an endless round of chaotic situations, leaving you with barely enough time to catch your breath. The chaos may even appear to take on a life of its own making you feel like an outsider looking in on your own life. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Reclaiming stability in your life is not easy. It requires a mindset that says, “I trust God to see me through this. I will do everything that I can to keep going day by day so that I may emerge from this chaos a stronger person.”

If you are living with chaos and your life feels as if it is spinning out of control, it is time to replace the helpless and hopeless feelings with the calm of stability which may be just five steps away.

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• Define your Shape
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Now, defining our shape can be a life-changing event., especially if all we have known so far is how to play the chameleon distorting ourselves to fit in holes of different sizes. Yet even as we shift and change with the passing landscape of people and situations in our lives, we realize that we are not comfortable. We don’t fit. 

If you are ready to acknowledge your shape and find your corresponding hole, ask the following questions:

Who am I?

Frequently, all we know about our selves is what other people have said about us or told us to our faces. We’ve shaped ourselves based on how they treated us and then other people treat us on the basis of the shapes we adopted.

So, describe yourself. You are not alone if you hesitate but it’s a strange feeling isn’t it? It makes you wonder, “Do I really know myself?”

You don’t have to follow a chronological path. Begin with the present, the past or go back and forth. One memory may spark another, which might reveal a unique characteristic or a personal preference. 

Far too often, we take for granted many of the things that are true of us and make us the unique humans we are. They fade into the forest of responsibilities and demands of our lives and consequently, we forget.

Give this stage the time and attention it deserves. Remember too, that a strong spiritual foundation is the bedrock of understanding who you are.

What do I want?

It’s the story of our lives, isn’t it? We get lost in the expectations of others and eventually, disconnect from our dreams. I know it to be true in my own life. I allowed other people to dismantle my goals and dreams and erect their personal visions for my life. Has that been your experience? Is it your reality today?

To some extent, I can understand parents or guardians doing this. Generally, they want the best for us and their best usually hinges on their own experiences as well as a lifetime of conditioning from society and the world at large.

We believed what they said or felt we had no choice but to acquiesce to their wishes. While some might have found their advice to be on target after all, others may still be thinking that their lives are not as full and purposeful as they imagine it could be.   

Once you have discovered or rediscovered who your are, you may decide that you have gone as far as you can or want to, with someone else’s dream. If this is so, listen intently to the song in your own heart and sing. Crank up the volume and dance to the beat of your own drum.

How do I work?

Every day, someone has to do the work that needs to be done to ensure the timely delivery of products and services that make life possible and comfortable for countless others. Are you riding the "work train" knowing although your work is important, it doesn’t cater to, nurture or accommodate your shape?

It may be some time before employers begin pairing employees with the kind of work that suits their qualifications, experiences, natural tendencies and passions. So, meanwhile, create small diversions to ease the stress inherent in your job, do at least one thing everyday to feed your passion and nurture your creative interests.

When you can, prepare yourself to transition to work that accommodates your shape. I know this is easier said than done, but it is not impossible. You’ve read the stories, you’ve seen the people, you may even know one or two who have succeeded at this. Why not you?

How do I play?

Are you still playing only the games that your friends want to play?

I’m a self-confessed “mall rat.” That isn’t to say that I am not willing to play other games with my friends. We give and take. They do the mall with me and I do their “thing” with them.

If you follow your friends around like a mindless puppy, you’re wasting your time and your life. You’re losing yourself or maybe you’re already totally lost. You either need new friends who will function like true friends or you can take the lead and adjust how you play in your existing friendships.

Call a halt to the current practice of always doing what they want to do, going where they want to go because you feel guilty saying no. Is it really worth it to tag along with people and to places that make you uncomfortable? Is it worth it to always play the games that go against your convictions or personal preferences just to maintain friendships? 

The unpredictability of life demands that we be willing to make compromises in order to achieve long-term goals. Knowing your shape makes it easier to navigate the road filled with different shaped holes.

What’s your shape?

Related on this blog:

• Are You Spinning Your Wheels?
• Take 5 Steps from Chaos to Stability

Here are some suggestions.

Details at home.

Housekeeping can be a thankless job. When you have children and must also juggle a fulltime job outside the home, well, you could be talking about overtime work with no overtime pay. It is an endless round of the same set of almost daily chores. And you can quickly find yourself moving through them like a robot.
Meal preparation is one area where you can add simple details to make it less of a chore and more of a pleasure. Clean the kitchen and assemble the ingredients and utensils. Half of the problem with cooking is our tendency to want to rush through it. Get a handle on that tendency by taking a shower first. Pour yourself a refreshing drink and keep a nutritious snack nearby to nibble on while you cook. Slip in your favorite CD, put on an apron for a change and start cooking.
I’ve found that when I approach cooking like they do on the Food Network, it is enjoyable and I can actually smile through the process. For instance, no more walking back and forth, I assemble everything I need before hand. Sometimes, I even talk my way through the preparation. And, if you hear, "Bam!" or "Oh yeah babe! " that’s me imitating Emeril Lagasse. 

Details at work.

Just thinking about having to get up long before the crack of dawn is enough to make you bury your head in the pillow and wish for the night to last a few days. But since it will never happen, you might as well get up and go. Just be sure to add some special personal details to your day to keep frustration and overwhelm at bay.
These details were some of my favorite and really helped to keep me focused on my dreams. Try to reach the office at least half an hour before opening hours to have some time alone for breakfast or to sit awhile, just you, God and a cup of coffee perhaps. Make sure there are clear reminders on your desk of the people you cherish and the goals you aspire to achieve some day. Such details help set you up right for the day ahead and to smoothen out the usual kinks that always crop up.

Details for yourself.

Adding and tending to details in our personal routines raises our awareness of how much little things matter in the midst of the big picture of life. It doesn’t take a lot of money or a great deal of time, so why not start today.
After a hectic day, you’re almost always wiped out by bedtime. Nevertheless, this part of your daily cycle can be more relaxing when filled with little details. Don’t settle for dropping into bed like a battered log when you just can’t do any more.  Schedule a set time to sleep, give or take 30 minutes or so. Then, before you throw your tired bones on the bed, engage in a little personal night-time details. Even if you don’t wear makeup, treat your face to the recommended cleansing regime of cleaning, toning and moisturizing. It may seem like just another “to- do” you could do without, but it is in fact, a self-care detail that says that your face is as important as the dishes that must be washed everyday. Stop wearing baggy old clothes to bed. Put on something comfortable and pretty. Fluff the pillows, light a candle, read, write. These are just a few of the details you can incorporate to make bedtime just a little more special.
Have you been rushing in a busy daze of sameness from day to day with its attendant obligations? Consider what kinds of details you can infuse in the commonplace activities in your life. After all, the best quality of life, is all in the details.

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We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes—

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us, while

We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries

To thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

We wear the mask!

It sure captures the reality of the issue, doesn’t it?

I believe that everyone wears a mask at some time or another and they do so for various reasons. Some don masks for devious purposes and leave their victims to fight their way out of the aftermath. Others wear masks for much more complex personal reasons.

Our reasons may include lack of confidence, self-preservation, and the need for acceptance. However, these reasons are often fueled by fear, guilt, confusion about who we really are and a true or false sense of some inadequacy.

Hiding behind the masks we wear, not only prevents others from knowing who we are, but sadly over time, we ourselves begin to lose touch with who we are. Eventually we assimilate the role we play with our masks on. We slip into a life of pretense that camouflages what is real about us, our ideals and our dreams.

Who wants to live a life of pretense? Do you? Wouldn’t it be far more liberating and joyful to live honestly?

I’ve worn masks. My lack of self-confidence dictated that I wear a self-assured mask even though I was falling to pieces on the inside. Years of fearing ridicule and rejection helped me to craft a mask that portrayed me as a person who was brave, a risk-taker, who was unfazed by negative responses to her ideas and opinions. The upright and confident stride people saw was not me. Inside, I was slouching, feeling dejected, tired, afraid and overwhelmed. I only realized that I was wearing mask when someone commented on my “obvious” confidence.

That was a turning point for me. A defining moment if you will. The questions raged, “Who am I really?” “Do I want to be the person other people see?” “How do I move from this place of insecurity, fear and confusion, to where I would like to be, without compromising who I really am?” “Could I learn to not buckle under the negativity that people might spew at me?

Is it possible to pursue and live my dreams without apology?”

God who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, (Ephesians 3:20a) guided me through the maze of questions. Then He led me through to the other side, free of my fears and without the masks. Now, I walk confident in the knowledge that God made me what and who I am. And, on that basis I am free to be myself without fear and without apology. When you see me walking upright and confident, know that I am leaning on Him and He is supporting me.

What about you? What masks do you wear? Under what circumstances do you pull them out and put them on? More importantly, why do you wear them? Are you willing to learn the truth that lurks behind your masks? Are you ready to deal with them so that you can be your true self, confident and brave?

Then,

Straighten out your spiritual beliefs.

Who you are, what you do and want to do must have its foundation in your spiritual beliefs to survive in the world. Everything falls apart when your life is not aligned with your beliefs. If you have lost your way, ask God to find you and lead you back home. There you will find your true identity and discover your purpose as you hold the truths of your faith as your beacon in every situation.

“Be on your guard; stand firm in your faith; be men (women) of courage; be strong.”

~ 1 Corinthians 16:13.

Strive for authenticity in every area your life.

One of the realities of life is that people’s opinion of you will not always be positive. That is never a reason to misrepresent yourself at home or at work. Let everyone else say, believe and do as they please. You might feel like a tiny rowboat on the sea of life. The grand ocean liners may even rock your little boat as they pass by, close, towering and loud. Nevertheless, maintain your hold on being authentic in every circumstance even when others try to intimidate or entice you.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

You may find this a daunting exercise, as I did. But hiding behind a mask is no way to live. Is it? Discard your masks, imbibe your mind with your beliefs and clothe your life with the practice of authenticity.

Related on this blog:

• Just remember D.R.E.A.M.
• 5 Hindrances to Winning the Race
• Defining Moments
• 12 Attributes of a can-do attitude
• Turn Off that darn thing... Your productivity level will thank you

“Happiness is not a point of arrival. Happiness is the way. “
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

  Is this you?

      “I’ll be happy when I get married.”

     “When I clear my credit card bill, then I’ll be happy.”

     “Happiness is owning my own home.” 

      “I will never be happy as long as that person is working in my department.”

Are you putting off your happiness waiting for a particular thing, person or situation? If “I’ll be happy when…” precedes your thoughts and conversations about your life, you’re living in the future and not in the present. You are depriving yourself of the happiness that is around you, today. 

You don’t have to wait for any one acquisition, event or person to be happy. Besides, none of these things or any other you can imagine comes with that guarantee. Tomorrow’s happiness is for tomorrow. You should be happy today.

The media bombards us with the message that this or that product will make us look years younger, live pain-free and slim. They entice us with places to find the perfect mate and schemes to get-rich-quick. I suppose that is their prerogative. The sad part is that we buy into the hoopla. We lap up the fallacy and lose ourselves in the fantasy that something or someone is going to make us happy - a new job, more money, a better relationship, a baby or a home.

And so, we wait.

It is normal to want to improve our lives. Still, postponing our happiness until we achieve the changes we want, makes for a life of frustrated impatience. Even worse, is that sometimes, the further along we go, the further away the happiness moves. Happiness can be illusive when we link it to a particular future goal. More importantly, when we keep our eyes peeled on the horizon, often, we miss the happiness imbedded in every day.

Here are four ways to be happy while you wait for the ultimate acquisition, the love of your life or the ideal circumstance?

Adjust your attitude

A disgruntled and complaining attitude is one sure way to deprive yourself of the smallest measure of happiness every day. You could be bypassing happy moments when every thought in your mind and every word you speak is a stark portrayal of your bad attitude towards people you live and work with and encounter during your day.

Your actions can sometimes generate a change in attitude. Small gestures of kindness, compassion and courtesy, for example, go a long way in creating a more pleasant attitude, which in turn fosters a countenance.   

Dismantle self-imposed barriers

You might be your own worse enemy, if you have erected barriers to protect yourself, but instead, they have now become barricades that keep happiness at bay.

Self-imposed stumbling blocks are sometimes more difficult to dismantle and remove. But just as a construction worker will hammer at a wall until it crumbles, so too, you must keep pounding on the barriers in your life. Once they shatter, the way will be clear for you to seek out and embrace the happiness that’s just on the other side.

Count your blessings

When we focus on what is lacking in your life, it is easy to believe that we “have it hard” and our happiness lies somewhere in the distant future.  A regular practice of counting our blessings generates feelings of gratitude, happiness and a brighter, more positive outlook on life despite its troubles.

Have you taken for granted the many blessings God has bestowed on you? Are they so commonplace now that you no longer recognize them or give Him thanks for them? It’s time, once again to revisit your blessings and experience how they engender a new perspective on being happy every day.  

Learn to be content

The desire for more, faster, and bigger raises our level of satisfaction, and leaves us discontent with our lives as it is today. Acknowledging and being thankful for what we have sets the stage for our hearts to be content.

Do you see your glass as half-full or half-empty? Re-examine your life and your possessions. Don’t you have reasons to be content? Aren’t there people who are living and happy with far less than you have? Shift your focus away from what you don’t have and be content for all that is already in your life and helping you to function at a comfortable level.

Recognize today that this and that thing, person or situation makes it possible for you to live, work and enjoy some leisurely pursuits. Despite the negativity that may be raging around you, you can learn to be content.   

Get involved

We waste our time, energy and God-given talents when we stand on the sidelines waiting for something to come along with happiness in tow. It is tantamount to a slap in God’s face.

Use your time, your energy and the talents He has given you to share, give and love wholeheartedly.

Welcome opportunities to make a positive impact in someone’s life. You can derive deep satisfaction and experience profound joy when you get involved in church and community activities.

Each day has its own troubles and challenges but it also brings with it reasons and opportunities to be happy. Happiness doesn’t reside at some distant address, but rather it travels with you as you meander your way through life. You can find it in the journey itself. 

Sometimes a defining moment is that instant when we get it, everything falls into place and we know that life as we know it will never be the same. Other times, we are oblivious to the effects of a capricious decision. Then it may be days, weeks, months and even years, before we can trace the path back to the precise moment when an inconsequential choice made a difference and altered the course of our lives.

You could probably link a particular defining moment to a time when you were younger and not sure about yourself, your feelings or your dreams. It was the catalyst that defined you and moved you to make the choices you’ve made since then. Or your defining moment was fairly recent. You’re in the early stages of the aftermath. The feelings are still poignant and it may take a while for you to work out where you go from there and feel comfortable with the changes to come.  

Defining moments, or “Ah Ha!” moments, as Oprah has termed them, can make us or break us. Some of them confirm long-held beliefs, show us a clear way to follow our dreams or validate a position we might have held about certain people and circumstances. Other defining moments may force us to postpone or even abandon dreams, sever relationships or alter an establish lifestyle.  

Frequently someone else’s choice results in our defining moment. They make their decision and we are forced to make our own in response. And therein, lies our defining moment. Regardless who or what triggers the chain of events, we can still look at our defining moments and the outcomes as opportunities to get on with the business of living our lives as fully as possible.

We live multi-faceted lives. Here are four areas where defining moments can have a dramatic impact.

Spiritual beliefs

Nothing impacts our lives as our spiritual beliefs. They begin on the inside and work their way outward, from the heart.  If they don’t, we need to question their veracity as well as our commitment to them.  

The defining moment comes when we grasp what we truly believe and it envelops every fiber of our being. When our spiritual beliefs radiate in our thoughts, our words and our actions, we know we have faced a life-changing defining moment. 

Individuality

There is a great deal of pressure today to conform. However, those very pressures sometimes force us to make crucial choices. And that defining moment makes all the difference to our perception, understanding and acceptance of who we really are.

To accept who we are as individuals and to be comfortable with our unique personalities is one of life’s most liberating moments. It ranks right up there with the best of the “Ah Ha!’ moments we’ll ever have.

Relationships

Relationships are faulty, if we function on the basis of unclear and false perceptions of each other’s feelings and motivations. The happiest and most rewarding relationships are those in which each person is free to be him or her self, to be honest, and to disagree without animosity or reprisal.  

Far too often, it takes a major emotional upheaval, accompanied by hurtful words and accusations before we encounter a defining moment that could heal the relationship or clear the way for us to walk away. 

Career

More and more I hear people lament the chasm between what they do for a living and what they would love to do for their life. They express a deep desire to feel a heart connection to a career that not only puts food on their table but a song in their hearts. I know what they are saying. I’ve been there.

However, until you can make the transition to something else, it is possible to find the fulfillment you seek in your current job and hear your heart sing every day.

It begins with an attitude of gratitude, the practice of going the extra mile and doing your assigned work as unto God. It is your required response to the blessing that it is.

It may take a defining moment to bring you to the point where you decide that you will “shine” where you are, even as you hold fast to your dream. You work diligently, until the doors of opportunity swing open unto the career that fits your personality, your skills and your talents. That defining moment is the beginning of a whole new mindset that will make it easier to walk the path that is necessary today, until you arrive at the path you desire tomorrow.  

Defining moments are often tainted by negativity. But if we dwell on them we will miss the positives, the opportunities, the possibilities. Furthermore, when we get bogged down with the daily grind of life, we lose focus and forget our motivations. Recalling our defining moments can put the spark back into our dull existence and turn it into living again.

Revisit your defining moments. What choice or choices defined or redefined you, your religious beliefs, your relationships, your career or some other area of your life?

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• 5 Hindrances to Winning the Race
• How to live without your Mask
• Savoring Simple Pleasures
• Banish Mediocrity

What a commentary on civilization, when being alone is being suspect; when one has to apologize for it, make excuses, hide the fact that one practices it - like a secret vice.  ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

That quote summarizes my life to a large degree. After 52+ years, it still amazes me how people can still be puzzled, suspicious and critical of how comfortable I am with solitude. Call it what you may, but please, allow me my right to seek and enjoy the benefits of solitude.  

What are your thoughts on solitude? Does it convey negative visions of loneliness and isolation? That’s understandable. We are social beings and we derive a large portion of our happiness from our connections to and relationships with others. Plus we are accustomed to the constant physical and verbal activity that surrounds us. Still, the need for occasional periods of solitude is just as vital to our mental and emotional welfare.

Let’s consider some of the areas in our lives where solitude can have a profound effect and bestow her priceless benefits.

Solitude and spirituality.

The Bible tells of leaders in the Old Testament, like Moses, who often pulled themselves away from their families and other companions to talk to and hear God. In the New Testament, it was Jesus’ habit to withdraw from the company of his disciples for private sessions with God the Father. Many people have testified that they felt God’s presence, heard his voice and sensed His guiding hand in their moments of solitude. Solitude draws us in and ushers us into the portal through which, we seek and commune with God, through prayer and meditation.

Don’t you sometimes feel the need for this practice in your life? Don’t resist it.

Solitude and creativity

Researchers, psychologist and persons of almost every creative persuasion, can attest to the benefits of solitude. Sometimes, in solitary moments inspired ideas surface to reveal how they can be merged with old, new or emerging skills. Or they appear as innovative sparks to prompt us to try something we have been avoiding. We can make use of solitude’s gentle probing to develop our creative inclinations or delve into a new adventure.

Solitude and you.

It’s where we can ask, "Who am I?" Can we really lie to ourselves about who we are? In solitude, there are no caves or walls to hide from ourselves. In our solitary moments, we can identify the person who lives in our skin and walks in our clothes.

Solitude sequesters us from the pressures to conform and compromise. It helps us to understand who we are thus explaining the reasons and rational for our emotions, individual tendencies and preferences. It creates the atmosphere for heartfelt reflection, acceptance, forgiveness and the resolve to be true to ourselves. 

Solitude and rest.

It’s wise and healthy to set aside our compulsion to get everything done at the expense of our sanity and our health. Stealing away for a few moments of solitude will restore our energy as we give our bodies the rest it deserves. Additionally, solitude will provide the much-needed break from the presence and chatter of others. When our pace slows or stops completely, solitude helps our minds to adopt the same pace and our mental functions improve. Overall, we will emerge from our time of solitude physically rested and mentally refreshed.

Solitude and life.

Solitude quiets the noise of our normal exist and allows us to hear our true thoughts, and feel our most intimate and genuine feelings. It opens our minds to find solutions to our life puzzles and to consider possibilities previously silenced by the humdrum and clatter of our normal routines. Solitude very often, holds in her hands, and in the folds of her cocooning garments, the inspiration for change in various areas of our lives. If we adopt the practice of regular periods of solitude, we will no doubt notice a slower, more thoughtful and positive response to the road bumps in our lives.

All through history men have sought after and practiced seasons of solitude. And for just as long, others have ridiculed them for it. For that reason, quotes on solitude litter the literary world online and in print. I share some of my favorites below.

* “The soul’s best friend.” ~ Charles Cotton

* “Often the best society.” ~ William G. Benham

* "We hear voices in solitude, we never hear in the hurry and turmoil of life; we receive counsels and comforts, we get under no other condition."~ Amelia E. Barr 

* "We live in a very tense society.  We are pulled apart… and we all need to learn how to pull ourselves together…. I think that at least part of the answer lies in solitude." ~ Helen Hayes

* "It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts." ~ K.T. Jong

* "We visit others as a matter of social obligation.  How long has it been since we have visited with ourselves?" ~ Morris Adler

* "Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul." ~ Marcus Aurelius

* "When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death - ourselves."
~Eda LeShan

What are simple pleasures? Well, they are those things, times, activities and conventional or quirky practices that we often overlook or deny ourselves because we are too busy making a living and honoring commitments to enjoy them. Are you one of those people who complain that you don’t have the time, money or some other resource to devote to such things?

There is nothing wrong with occasionally treating ourselves to an extravagant gift or a long well-deserved time-off or vacation. However, most enjoyable pleasures don’t require long stretches of time. Nor do they depend on bulging wallets, well-designed spaces, trendy clothes etc. Most often, you can find them in everyday, inconsequential and impromptu moments. They lurk in between the recurring run of our daily routines. They turn up in the predictable and unplanned encounters in familiar and unlikely places. I believe that God uses simple pleasures to ease our troubles, calm our minds and soothe our souls.

I‘ve learned the importance and experienced the benefits of seeking out simple pleasures. They force me to slow the pace in the rush of my days and count my blessings. They allow me to cradle a few minutes to indulge my passion for writing by scribbling a thought or inspiring idea in my ever-handy notebook. Even more important, my life is enriched whenever I take the time to savor my simple pleasures because they help me to focus more on God and His goodness and less on what I may think is lacking in my life.

Most of my simple pleasures are found in silence and solitude, where I can observe and meditate on the rhythmic ebb and flow of life and find inspiration for writing. Here are some of my favorite simple pleasures:

Spending quiet time with God.

Everyday, I cherish quiet, uninterrupted time with God. Prayer, meditation and reading my Bible are daily spiritual vitamins to my soul.

Listening to birds sing.

I missed hearing birds sing when my days began and ended in darkness and the in-between hours were over-shadowed by an air-conditioned office and the noise of the traveling masses. Now I can enjoy them all day, especially in the morning. Their singing is a vivid reminder that God is the divine creator, who declared all that He created to be "good," and He has blessed me with a new day.

Writing by hand.

As a child, a scolding and a good licking always led me to write long letters of apology to my mother. The love of writing by hand remained throughout my life. Despite the ease and speed of the computer, I still prefer to write my to-do lists, research notes and drafts by hand. Keeping a journal of course is the ultimate practice that allows me to enjoy this simple pleasure.

Investigating Words.

I read the dictionary. There, my secret is out. I open it to check one word. Fascinated, I move from one word to another and the next thing I know, twenty, thirty minutes have gone by and I’ve forgotten the reason I opened the dictionary in the first place. Reading the dictionary is one of the ways I use to take a break from my writing routine. I have several notebooks filled with words I’ve discovered on these forays.

Reading biographies and journals.

Other people’s lives fascinate me whether they write the stories themselves or they are written by someone else. The everyday shenanigans of the idle rich don’t interest me. I have a heart for the stories about peoples’ inspiration and determination to rise above their circumstances and achieve their dreams. How writers especially, handle the joys and frustrations of life and their passion for writing make for hours of pleasurable reading.

Relaxing on the porch.

After mentioning this so many times before, you know that this is one of my favorite pastimes. Sitting with a cup of tea, my journal, a magazine or book, notebook, pen and dictionary - I can get lost in that scenario for hours.

The rush and reality of the busyness of modern-day life can blind us to the beauty that shines through the ugly, deafen us to the voices in our own hearts and weaken our ability and desire to seek and embrace life’s simple pleasures.

Simple pleasures ease your personal burdens and the anguish you might be feeling about some situation. What simple pleasure makes you pause? What places, memories and practices make you relax and smile and make your heart sing and dance?

It’s so very easy to let some of life’s basic simple pleasures slip by and out of our lives while we hustle to and fro getting this and that done. But it is just as easy to rediscover them either through the quiet contemplation of the present moment or a blissful memory from our past. 

Simple pleasures surround us on our walk through life. You don’t have to readjust your whole life, disrupt anyone else’s routine or take a day off from work. A simple pleasure may be close by or just a memory away. Find yours, weave them among your commitments and savor them every chance you get, even if just for a moment. 

Related on this blog:

• Defining Moments
• Banish Mediocrity
• Are You Open To Change?

~ Victor Hugo (1802 ~ 1885)

If I asked you what is most lacking in your days, would your answer be time? Would you say that there just don’t seem to be enough time in the day or in any week, to do the things you want to or should do? But time hasn’t decreased, has it? It has remained constant – the same twenty-four hours in every day. Mankind has learned to harness and manage many things over the centuries. Yet, we have not mastered the management of time.

Is it really that difficult? You can learn to manage your time more efficiently by learning how to manage the tasks that make up our days. And therein is the secret. Actually, it is not a secret at all. So today, we’ll look at tried and tested ways to use our God-given time.

Chances are that in any one day, there will be routine tasks that you do. The left over time is usually filled by occasional duties like weekly or monthly commitments. The drudgery of some of these daily chores often renders us robotic in our movements and we just go through them in a daze without a plan, a thought or an eye to efficiency. We just want to get them done. However, those unavoidable routine tasks can be managed in a way to make them less burdensome and time-consuming.

Schedule time limits.

Schedule routine household and personal tasks just as you would work-related ones. Use a notebook, diary or appointment book. This practice will block the amount of time you devote to a particular activity. When the time is up for each task simply stop and move on to the next. 

For this to work though, you must have a fairly accurate idea of how long tasks will take to complete.

Stay organized.

The whole system will go haywire if every activity is preceded by half an hour spent hunting down the necessary materials and tools. That is a waste of time.

Ideally, tools and supplies for a particular task should be stored close to the activity center. Most of us attest to less-than-adequate storage in our homes, but that’s no excuse for having things scattered, cluttered and missing when we need them.

Use whatever storage you have available or improvise. It is not uncommon for people to store supplies and tools in the most unlikely places in their homes - under the kitchen sink, in the garage, on upper shelves in closets, in cardboard boxes and baskets stacked as side table or coffee table and in bags hung on a door or in containers under the bed.

Whatever method you choose, keep your stuff organized and easily accessible.

Delegate.

It’s a common thing to see one person undertaking all the household tasks while the rest of the household relaxes. Once this practice becomes ingrained it is very difficult if not impossible to reverse.

"Every man jack," (my father’s expression), should pitch in and help. And it is up to the head of the home to inculcate that policy early or he or she might come across as a tyrant later on.

Initially, delegate only those tasks that you believe someone else can handle to your satisfaction. It makes no sense passing off a chore that you will have to return and complete yourself. Once others in the household have proven their ability and more importantly their willingness to complete tasks you assign to them, you could delegate additional or more difficult ones.  

Multitask.

Despite its pitfalls, I think multitasking is here to stay. To minimize the frustrations that come with multitasking, only multitask as far as it is comfortable to do so. Maybe we should aim to "double-task" instead. Are you one of those people who insist that you can concentrate on only one thing at a time? Try combining a task that requires motor skills with one that necessitates mental skills.

For example, fold laundry while talking on the telephone. Use an ear-piece attached to your cell phone so that your hands are free to load the washer, wash dishes or sweep the floor. Pay all you bills on the same day, use a one-stop shop bill payment service, or set up a Standing Order with your bank. 

When waiting for your children while they take lessons, practice and play sports, or attend rehearsals, instead of fretting, catch up on calls to your parents or friends, write letters, or lose yourself in a portable hobby like, crochet, writing, drawing etc.

Do things right the first time.

A major time-eater and time-waster is having to re-do tasks that you didn’t take the time to do right in the first place. This usually happens when you have too much on your plate, you fear saying “No” or you did not allocate sufficient time for efficiency.

If you tend to move slowly, and nothing is wrong with that, it might be best to focus your attention on one task, how ever long it takes. Do it well and completely.

Learning to manage your time is not a done deal but an ongoing process of learning to balance your responsibilities. If you start today, you can get a good handle on maximizing the twenty-four hours in your day. 

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